whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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