there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
