she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
