it hurts more in the daytime
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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