the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
