You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
