if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
