feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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