You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
