i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
