so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
