didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize