so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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