Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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