I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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