You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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