I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
