we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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