Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
