I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
