dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
