You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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