it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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