i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
