grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
