u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
