Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
