Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
