Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
