dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize