I am in a vortex of obligation.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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