I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize