similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
