The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
