Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
