I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Houston, we have a blender
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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