using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
