I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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