I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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