My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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