He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
