There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
