im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
