billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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