please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
