I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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