I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
