I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
