i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
