Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She said her name was "party"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
