I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
