Who did Billy Mays play for?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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