Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize