dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
