cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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