i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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