No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
