i was born a porn star she said
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ttyl tear gas
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
