Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
