So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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