He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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