FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
