The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
