Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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