i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
