life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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