That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
