even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
