we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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