your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Pants are for mortals
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
