you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
