The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
