She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Terrible idea I love it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
