I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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