I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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