my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
