I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
