Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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