I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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