Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
