I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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