the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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