you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We were destined to go to rehab together
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
