It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
