i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
