turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
