I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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