If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
