Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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