That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
