went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
