I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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