He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
