The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
