Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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