I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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