I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize