I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
