She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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