we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
